Ever get one of those stinking negative thoughts in your brain? Maybe it’s something said to you or about you? It just keeps playing in your head over & over. I think I had this happen to me while living in my hometown.
I grew up in a small city in Central Wisconsin. My twin brother and I have always been visible in the press & at social events. We grew up here, made lots of friends, and never shied away from opportunity. We made things happen, sometimes aggressively & other times recklessly. But either way, we were doing it. We learned the hard way – unfortunately, everyone in town was watching.
There’s an old reference from the “Good Book” that says, “Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor.” The gist of this is, when people know you really well, they take you for granted.
And that’s the thing – we kept trying, but people seemed to be growing more & more skeptical. Once they started talking, it was only a matter of time before those words got to our ears. Sticks & stone can & do break bones, but I don’t care who you are – words can hurt just the same. We had been taken for granted.
Over time, I was rehearsing what others had said about me & my family. These stupid things begin to eat you alive and sap your creative juices — My Dad calls it, “Bone Theater.” The movies playing in your head. The words that we hear and the things we read become movie reels that we replay over & over.
Do you know what it’s like to feel this way?
Like everyone you believe to be important thinks you’re a failure? If that’s true, then it’s time to change it up.
Switch Out The Movie Reel
You don’t have to be “that guy,” or “that girl.”
Here’s what I’m learning – we have many more cheerleaders than naysayers. Only, most people won’t tell you they believe in you until they realize you need to hear it. Have you ever had a gut level discussion like this with people who love you?
If you were like me, then probably not. You probably feel like people are depending on you to shoulder the weight – to muscle through the hard times and not show weakness, lest others begin to feel the same and lose faith.
For a long time I had it backwards, and I’m betting you probably did too (or maybe still do). The persons wanting you to win, to conquer and succeed the most, are probably right next to you. They share a school, a cubicle, or a gene pool with you. Maybe it’s a significant other, or the person you’re attending an event with.
Even if all you have are virtual friends – they probably want more for you than you think you do. The issue becomes us getting out of our own heads and reaching out for support, reassurance and encouragement.
But unless you say something, how will they know?
Transparency
Here’s how it happened for me – After a long period of staying out of the limelight, I gradually started reaching out. Looking for ways to “re-invent” my attitude toward life in this city, I asked the advice of an old friend. He said, “You can’t be blamed for getting out on the field and taking some hits – Most people never get off the bench.” And that’s true, I wanted to be recognized as the guy who never gave up, but the thoughts of failing in those mental “re-runs” was preventing me from doing so.
And then it happened.
My wife kicked me out – literally dropped me off at my parents house and drove away!
She said, “Don’t come back until you figure out what you’re going to do with yourself!” It was the worst day of my life, but the best thing that ever happened to me.
She forced me to think — and this made all the difference.
What did I want? Where did I want to be? Who was I going to make happy?
Two years later, I’m doing it. I’m doing what I love working for a start-up that inspires me! I’m surrounded by positive people that encourage and cheer me on. Next week we’re moving to Santa Cruz, CA to be near the Bay Area and in the action of an industry I want to be a part of.
And it started with erasing the tapes of “Bone Theater.” Get new mental pictures, work toward what you want and stop confirming your worst fears. Really, what do you have to lose?
I was even thinking I should have submitted a different panel for SXSW ‘09. Had I been on the ball, it might have looked something like this:
Kicked Ass: Overcoming Failure & Ass Whoops
Everyone wants to Kick Ass – but what happens when yours is the one being kicked? Have a heart to heart with an entrepreneur who’s endured six failed business attempts, five relocations, three evictions, two layoffs, a child with Cystic Fibrosis – and somehow remains married after 10 years. How to find laughter, motivation and inspiration during tough times.
I think that would have made for an interesting discussion, don’t you?
“Never give in! Never give in! Never, never, never, never – in nothing great or small, large or petty. Never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.”
~ Winston Churchill
Hey Marcus! I think this website was very interesting. Your facebook status led me to check out what NextSpace was and then to your info and now here. I noticed two typos. I am very anal about it myself.
1st paragraph: “probably did ‘to’” (too) &
For a long time I had it backwards, and I’m betting you probably did to (or maybe still do). The persons wanting you to win, to conquer and succeed the most, are probably right next to you. They share a school, a cubicle, or a gene pool with you. Maybe it’s a significant other, or the person you’re attending an event with.
2nd paragraph: “more for you ‘that’”(than)
Even if all you have are virtual friends – they probably want more for you that you think you do. The issue becomes us getting out of our own heads and reaching out for support, reassurance and encouragement
I hope you’re not offended. I always try to do things with excellence and try to help others out when I notice stuff!
Lisa Kozak